Let’s Stop Calling Our Sons Heartbreakers

4

“He’s going to be a heartbreaker.”

I say it, my friends say it, and strangers at the grocery store say it when Ilyas flashes his signature crooked smile, brown eyes shining like decadent hot fudge.

And I have to catch myself.

Do I want my son to grow up playing the field?

Do I want my son to leave a trail of emotional wreckage behind him?

Do I want my son to be more experienced at ending relationships than building them?

Or do I want my son to leave people better than how he found them?

Do I want my son to connect and unite others?

Do I want my son to build bridges that overcome prejudice and historical hatred?

I’m challenging myself to speak words that set Ilyas up to be the person I know in my bones he is made to be. The person that was so needed and intent on coming into this world.

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If you see or hear me, doing otherwise, challenge me on it.

We spend so much time these days talking about our words to girls — telling her she’s smart instead of pretty. A leader instead of bossy. And I’m not knocking those efforts, they are spot-on.

But let’s also be sure to raise our boys to be empathetic, kind and emotionally intelligent.

Beyoncé said it eloquently, “I want the same things for my son. I want him to know that he can be strong and brave but he can also be sensitive and kind.”

What else are we saying to our children that we should reevaluate?

7 thoughts on “Let’s Stop Calling Our Sons Heartbreakers

  1. becomingschultz

    I am struggling because I tell my two year old she is beautiful I want her to feel beautiful but also smart. She has now been wanting to wear dresses because they are pretty and she can twirl, but I’m adamant in telling her she is beautiful not the dress but the person she is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is such a great point… absolutely nothing wrong with making your daughter feel beautiful, but I love that you’re balancing it with a focus on her intelligence so she doesn’t grow to think her worth is in her appearance. And yes… the dress looks great because it’s on HER! Fashion isn’t what makes her beautiful either. Love it! ❤️

      Like

  2. tessahailey7317gmailcom

    It’s so true! The stuff we speak over our children plays a part in who they become! These little things people say about our kids “heartbreaker” “troublemaker” etc will play a part in their lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. alunderfullife

    What a great post and I love your point! You are correct on how we are trying to break teh stigma for girls and teach they that they too are strong and smart. I love that you want to do this for boys too! The best way to raise them is kind.

    Liked by 1 person

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